Anthony

Rather than beat around the bush I am telling you of my name, first hand. Of course, that name was nicked (shortened) to Tony. For many years I hated the first iteration of my name, Anthony. I carried that peculiarity around for about forty years and then, suddenly, I understood the thought that went behind that name from my parents, now deceased. All of this is to say that I am an imperfect man but a man who believes, fervently, in God, whom I call Jehovah, as that name also was carried over from the ancient biblical texts. Does this seem odd to you? In no way am I saying that God and I are on first name basis but it is my belief, rekindled in my middle years, that caused me to understand the love my parents showed for me as an infant and the fact that God allowed me life. A life that came with free will to do what I pleased.

For many years I was pleased to drink quite heavily. In those years I drove wedges between myself and my wife and family. Simply put, I was pathetic and ended up nearly dead in the emergency room of the local hospital. Big deal, huh? I survived but the prognosis was that I would be a vegetable and would need to be ensconced in a nursing home for the remainder of my declared, short days left me. I fooled them and here I am. Again I am imperfect and I proved it to myself and many others.

In part, this mess of mind came from Vietnam combat and in part it came from childhood but blaming anybody or thing for my ineptness as a human being falls straight on me. It was all my fault, my weakness but I didn’t understand this for a few years, after coming home to an empty house. Yeah, I was on my own but that lasted only as long as it took for my wife, ever faithful, to be certain that I was done with the drink. I have my family back, am completely sober for over twelve years with no meetings other than God and prayer. Personal meetings with God daily and more. Always through His Son Jesus do I pray.

Why do I tell you of my stupidity? Because I don’t know who will read this that has the same errant ways. To tell those who will listen that God has ears to hear you but only if you pray to Him with sincerity and admission of your humanness, your imperfection. It’s easy if you’re honest with yourself. That’s the first thing, being honest with yourself. Not being honest with yourself is what brings on lying and deceit. Lying and deceit bring on habitual behavior and that is where I ran into trouble.

Xog Street is just a thought process of one who knows what self-harm means. Zig and Zag were taken so I got creative and came up with Xog. I guess it would follow that I could use Xag also but I don’t wjat to go too far with conniptive thinking. Conniptive is a made up word based on conniption which is what I was in for a good part of my adult life. Well, now you have an understanding of who is writing this blog. You are free to take or leave at the side of the road all or part of what I write here. I do so with a littl humor, a bit of consternation with this world we live in, and. love of God and family that has seen me through they years I have been alive. I wish you peace in all things, but you have to reconcile yourself that all times are not of the good variety.

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